Sunday, August 27, 2006

Multiple Loginoema

Disclaimer: The author of this blog does not attest to any of the findings reported here, which has come out of his normal musings and faithfully pledges to complete insanity and sobriety.

Currently, National Destitute of Health (NDH), during a press conference, were inundated with questions, regarding their recent findings in the “Journal of Degenerative Diseases” . The authors of the paper, along with the grad student from the University of Mailissippii, revealed that the findings were based on their real-time studies, hence precludes any margin of errors that might undermine their research and career.

Their findings reveal a new kind of disorder, which they call it, Multiple “Login”oema (ML). People with ML are diagnosed to have a wide variety of symptoms: boredom, restlessness, insecurity, anxiety, hallucinations of world thinking about them, which creates an insane urge in them to check their emails. Once every 1 hour, by current standards of Login Counter, which works on the principle of Geiger Muller Counter, are termed normal, but when the situation deteriorates, where the login rate is once every 300 heart beats, which is detected using an electromailogram (EMG), then the patients develop, what the medical fraternity call it hyper loginoema -a chronic situation.

Though pharmaceuticals like, Walkbaxy, Pmiser, Cow Pharma, Lovertis, Richkid in U.S. are striving to counteract this disorder, their pill remains to be elusive, as their results are based on Computer simulated studies. U.K., which has lifted the ban on testing on our predecessor, might have come up with a solution, if not for the computer illiterate monkeys. So training these monkeys have been outsourced to India and China, and companies like Monkeysys and MCS (Monkey Consulting Services) have benefited a lot, evident from their second quarter results. Until the scientists find a cure, the doctors only reply to the kins of the hyper loginoema patients is TIG (Trust in God).


bharat_prakriti said...

I am a serious patient ... I login every 20 min I guess .... bheubheu :(

Naren said...

I am no doctor, but I can prescribe something, get someone who interests you

anonymous said...

Heyy Naren,

I just loved this piece, I would really like to pass on this bit to a few fanatic friends of mine who cant resist logging in every 15 mins...I wonder what they do when take a 1 hr lecture...Im willing to bet they log in even then...

Naren said...

@ Anon

I concur- moreso when the mail server goes down,without logging, their symptons will be much akin to an alcohol addict.


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